Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Help Wanted




Here are the top personnel want ads for Columbia football right now:


1)      Offensive Line Coach

Columbia University in the City of New York is looking for a competent football offensive line coach with at least 5 years coaching experience and 3 years coaching that position. The candidate must be willing to convince the head coach that the team needs bigger linemen with at least two years of training before they play for the varsity. Understanding that putting green players in crucial positions like Left Tackle is a recipe for disaster is REQUIRED. Willingness to build and coach a JV team also required.  Access to a straightjacket to help restrain the head coach a plus. Salary commensurate with how many QB’s and other skill players keep all their limbs intact for the entire season.


2)      Offensive Coordinator

Columbia University in the City of New York is looking for an offensive coordinator with at least 5 years coaching experience at the coordinator level who understands the standard formula for running a competent and competitive offense in the modern Ivy League. Allowing QB’s to run when necessary and even seeing a running QB as a potent weapon a plus. Ability to help disabuse the head coach of his delusion that a pocket passing offense can be established without a decent offensive line a must. Propensity to recruit wide receivers who like to catch the ball a plus. Experience coaching and playing varsity tennis not required.


3)      Recruiting Coordinator


Columbia University in the City of New York is looking for a football recruiter coordinator who can find players with the athletic talent and academic ability to positively represent the school on and off the field. Ability to effectively warn recruits about the dangers of social media a must. Ability to identify players who can at least get C’s in freshmen year easy classes a must. Ability to be able to find the New England prep schools on a map or GPS a must. Ability to say, “hey, there’s a reason why none of the other Ivy schools are recruiting you,” a must. Salary commensurate with how many players don’t quit by the end of freshmen year. 

33 comments:

Chick said...

Regarding the offensive line, would you say PM has a permanent "blind side"?

Excellent gallows humor, Jake. If you have to die, it might as well be laughing. Is it possible Pete might have the last laugh? I'm not betting on that, but I'm hoping for miracles, although they're forbidden in this great progressive age.

Tune in just three months from now as great revelations unfold.

Jake said...

One thing I liked about Norries was his sense of humor, problem was he would lose that sense and turn into a seething angry guy on a dime. But Mangurian has no visible joy or humor at all. These weekly updates we've been seeing read like stereo instructions. So, I think it's time for some more humor on the blog. I get hilarious emails from fans every day with some very good material.

DOC said...

Great stuff Jake !
You're on a roll...
How about a (mythical) want ad for a new AD and a University President
while you're at it ?

Unknown said...

Hey folks.....anyone see where the '96 Lion teams in getting inducted into the CU HOF....if they attend the dinner?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
#1 Lion said...

Excellent stuff jake! Well done!

Chick said...

Do share more humor, Jake, your own and others'. Lion football fans need it. It's either that or booze.

Anonymous said...

I know all of this has been said before by myself and others but I really have to wonder what the value is of having Elizondo as OC. He is probably a really great guy and no doubt, can do some good as a football coach. It is just very questionable his fit as OC. I don't see where he did anything great with Toronto,. Granted, not a good team and 3 downs makes it hard for any OC to get it done. He's just not what the program needs.

I am going to give Pete the benefit of the doubt Elizondo is not a diversity hire. I'm all for diversity but the best man available for the job should have it in this case.

oldlion said...

Harsh.

Anonymous said...

Worse than harsh. Any coach or boss can only work with the people they have. They can not teach talent. If problems are 50+ Years and ongoing
It's not the coaches fault. We don't get quality recrutes. End of story.

Jake said...

Pat:

See the recruiting coordinator want ad.

Anonymous said...

I disagree CU does not get quality recruits. Plenty of excellent players come through the program. Columbia is fully capable of recruiting on par with other Ivies and FCS programs.

I also disagree it is not a coaching problem. While every coach they hire is qualified to some extent, putting together a quality staff, knowing how to identify and utilize talent, game planning and understanding the nuances of how to prepare for the specific opponents is all key. You can't imprint your designs because you want to do them. Maximize your talent and playbook according to the talent. The mantra is that is not being done currently. It seems each CU coach is successful at some point in doing this and then lose traction. The root causes could be attrition, morale, leadership, etc. That has to be rooted out and looked at more closely so it can be eliminated.

Anonymous said...

Maximize your strategy and playbook according to the talent. You know who was a master at this is one other than Carm Cozza. That is what made him great. Not his warm and fuzzy charm or the fact that he had so many years doing it. He knew how to reach his players and utilize his people and he hired the right people to help him do it.

oldlion said...

Carm eventually ran out of gas. His last five years were awful. We routinely beat Yale during the middle Tellier years. As far as coaching, take a look at Boretti (huge success),and Smith (certainly on the right track). So this is a make or break year for Mangurian. If he doesn't post some wins and continues to embarrass Columbia he will surely be gone. So I am pulling for him to succeed, if only for the sake of the current players.

Anonymous said...

Al,
How many coaches have been at the football helm in the last 50 years? Did everyone have all of the above short falls? Granted some late bloomers show up periodically. Face it Al, Harvard, Yale, Princeton are at the top of the list for any IL football prospect.
Your corporate babble makes no sence. 50 years of bad football can not be blamed on the administration,
coaches or the lack of mantra.
Multiple administrations, numerous,
coaching staffs and thousands of players haven't been able to get the job done on a consistent basis.
How can you continuely blame the present staff ?

Chick said...

Pat: You spell badly.

. But aside from that,....we blame the present staff because they're bad, just as we blamed the previous staffs for being bad. If you've had bad Congressmen, or butchers, for the past 50 years, does that mean you're not allowed to blame your present congressman, or butcher, for being bad right now? Makes for bad government, bad
Eating and bad football.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
You miss my point, spelling aside.
Only one constant, Poor execution on the field. Do you disagree with my statement about CU being after H, Y &
P at the top of the wanabe list for players and coaches?
Feel free to correct my spelling at any time, if that makes you feel intelligent.

Chick said...

I am intelligent, and so are you. Bad spelling irritates because it's part of the breakdown in society--spelling, manners, civility, conscience, honesty, and at the top of the list an illegal government.

But I'm not intelligent enough to figure out what your point is. HYP gets better recruits? Sure, that's obvious. Why?
Partially media hype. But why do Brown, Dartmouth,
Fordham, Lehigh, Lafayette and Podunk U also clean our clock? No media hype there. Why were we successful many moons ago, not now? One answer fits all those questions: the establishment at those schools cares about playing well and winning, and ours does not. Or else it's totally incompetent.
That's what Jake is saying and what seems obvious to me.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
Two obvious reasons. 1. A lot of kids and parents are not able to be comfortable in the "Big Bad City".
2. The non-Ivy schools you mention attract kids that are not usually student/ athletes.
I have business associates from France who pass through NYC and stay in their Hotel for 2/3 days for fear of getting mugged.
Ask a small town mid-west mother if she wants her baby alone in NYC or Hanover, NH.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
Where are forgiveness and understanding on your list?
If you had some of that, you would not be criticizing my poor spelling.

Anonymous said...

Grooooaaan. PAT, your mugging argument does not hold up. Of course NYC has its share of danger but so does Philadelphia, Boston, Providence, New Haven... I guess they are ok in that regard in Ithaca and Hanover.

If by reputation, NYC turns away recruits that is a personal matter. Need it be said NYC is one of the most prestigious locales on the planet to go to school, work and live? It isn't easy to find housing of course so it does take a hardy soul to live urban but that is not an exclusive problem to NYC.

Chick said...

Pat, your slap at NYC doesn't hold water. Why do we get any recruits at all? Are you saying that the mothers of mediocre players don't care if their sons are mugged?
Or that the night-time streets of Philadelphia, Boston, New Haven and Providence are safer than cathedrals guarded by the 101st Airborne? My daughter went to Columbia and was fine. So is most everyone who lives or passes through NYC. Universities in much smaller cities, even towns, seem to have a lot more homicidal maniacs on campus, to say nothing of the city itself. Plenty of students in scenic towns get mugged, often by other students as well as townies.

I apologize for criticizing your spelling, but everyone has to carry his weight. Especially in reforming CU football.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
Apology accepted. I"ll try to do better. I love to visit NYC, but would not want to live there. I'm talking about world wide perception. How many big time shootum up tv shows take place in Providence.

Anonymous said...

Al,
I agree, but only if you have big money.

Anonymous said...

Al,
I'm told that several of the single CU coaches share apartments near the school. I once turned down a good job in Fort Lee because I could no afford the cost to rent an apartment.
How can we get good assistant coaches if they can not afford to live in the NYC area?

Anonymous said...

Housing is a big challenge in the city. If the money is there, I would put it towards some subsidized apartments for coaches and families so the program can attract the right type of candidates.

Anonymous said...

Al/Chick,
FYI.
I grew up in a medium sized city in CT.
Within 1 hr of NYC. Consider myself
street smart. Visited the city 100s of times in 60+ years. Never felt comfortable walking the streets. Last year was my first subway ride. Not a thing I would want to do every day. The story of the French businessmen is 100% true, not hear say. 9/11 scared the whole world. Chances are if there is another attack in the USA
It will not happen in Rhode Island or New Hampshire. Mothers worry about things like that.

Chick said...

Pat, I wouldn't say there's nothing to what you're describing. But there are criminals and psychos
everywhere, and you can't let your life be controlled by that. Sure, if I know a specific neighborhood or area is unsafe, I'll avoid it and so do most people. There may be entire cities to avoid,, but NYC isn't one of them. As for terrorism, intended attacks have been foiled in a number of cities, not just NYC.

It would be nice not to have to think about danger and how to avoid it. But it's part of life everywhere, and I don't see it as a reason or an excuse for bad football.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
My whole point is that we are at a disadvantage when it comes to recrutes and coaches. If my kid had an offer from Princeton and Columbia,
I would advise Princeton everytime.
Sorry, but that's probably true for 90% of recrutes and coaches as well as plain old students.
There is nothing anyone can do about that.

Chick said...

Pat, with no animosity at all, I think that's a defeatist attitude, and its logical conclusion is to terminate football.

During her college "tour" I inspected Princeton with my daughter. I'd visited only the football stadium before that.
I loved the town and the campus. As a middle-aged person who grew up on the streets and subways of NYC, I loved the thought of spending an occasional weekend there, especially because we had moved to another big city/suburb. As a CU alum, I secretly hoped she'd choose CU but we left it entirely up to her. I really thought she might choose Princeton and wouldn't have minded at all because that's a very personal decision for each student. She chose Columbia hands down, thought the education would be better and really liked the New York city atmosphere, and being a 10 or 15 minute subway ride from Lincoln Center, Broadway, museums, etc. She was a petite girl not a 6-6, 280-pound offensive lineman but she never had a problem. Joined a sorority, and several girls--and sometimes guys-- traveled together. She had a blast and a fine education.

I go to this boring length to describe a different experience from the predator behind every lamp post and the excruciating 20-minute ride to Baker on an
air-conditioned team bus I read about so often. Those are just excuses from people who don't want to do their jobs and their supporters. NYC is probably much better today and certainly no worse than when we had a respectable program. The Athletic Department should stamp that on its collective forehead and just get the job done.

Anonymous said...

Chick,
I get it, but the 6'6 kid from Ohio does not have a father who grew in the city.
We could turn this into the Chick and Pat show, so I will put my phone on sleep.

Chick said...

Obviously there are two views on this, Pat. Bottom line, I just don't think we do a good job of recruiting, the most important factor of any program, and that's not the city's fault. Sadly, we'll likely get a chance to "start over," AGAIN, after this season. Prediction: nothing will change
until the Admin's attitude changes. If you don't care about something, you won't do it successfully and that applies to every human activity.
But let's all have a nice summer.

WOF said...

Pat, do you mind if I ask what is your connection to CU football? Many of your arguments seem outdated and naive...

With your logic, how do Penn and Brown consistently compete with the big boys and how did Cornell win a hoops title recently?

Plus, I'd take Morningside Heights over West Philly and New Haven any day of the week....