Losing it at Levien

Introducing our new defensive coordinator!

It’s time for the fat-hating Head Coach Pete Mangurian to put his money where his mouth is… and for a good cause!

I don’t know what the folks at the Athletic Department have in mind for the halftime entertainment at all the upcoming basketball games at Levien Gymnasium, but how great would it be if Pete himself led a nice 20 minute session of intense calisthenics at center court?

Just think of it: imagine the coach getting into the grove with his supposedly overweight players and ANY fans in the stands who want to make some headway on their New Year’s resolutions!

Picture the fun as Pete, his assistant coaches and even Dianne Murphy run laps around the gym, jump rope and even do a few squat thrusts with some offensive linemen, the backup punter and 10-11 chubby alums pulled from the good seats.

And to get the participants REALLY running for their lives, we can stand them up five yards from a rabid rottweiler with only an already slimmed down Pete Mangurian style left tackle to protect them! 

Considering the verbal abuse Pete lays on anyone he thinks is overweight, and the way Dianne has excoriated fans who have the gall to complain about an 0-10 season, we could call it, “Sweating to the Scoldies!”

After each workout, we should have a public weigh-in to determine the biggest loser from week to week. Anyone who loses more weight in pounds than games Pete has already lost as head coach gets free season tickets... to Fordham football.

This could actually be a major attraction to help sell tickets during these icy weeks just before all the students make their way back to campus.