Friday, November 7, 2014

Grief Counselors will be Available




Columbia Lions at Harvard Crimson

November 8, 2014

Location: Harvard Stadium

Kickoff Time: 1 pm

Gametime Weather Forecast: 49 degrees, sunny, slight wind

The Spread: Harvard is favored by 40 points (yes, 40 points)

TV/RADIO

The game will be broadcast on the Ivy League Digital Network

Make sure you get the audio and superior commentary from Jerry Recco and Sal Licata.


Lead Stories/Questions


1)     Will Harvard rest all its starters or just the ones who they think might not understand the Geneva Conventions on mercy killing?

2)     Will the Crimson let more of the marching band members play this year?

3)     Will the clown that they use to sweep the bad acts off the stage on “Showtime at the Apollo” come by and bum rush Pete Mangurian off the sidelines in the 3rd quarter?



Streak Watch

Columbia has now lost 18 games in a row, continuing the longest losing streak since the record 44-game slide from 1983-88. Columbia has not won a game since 11/14/2012 or 724 days ago.

Columbia has now lost 20 games in a row on the road. The last away win was over Cornell at Schoelkopf Field on Nov. 14, 2009. That was 1,820 days ago.

Columbia's wonderful new athletics website is still not working or formatting properly. It hasn't worked right in 7 days. 


Players to Watch

-In an interview with the Spectator, Mangurian claimed that the Lions “shut out” super Crimson DE Zach Hodges in last year’s game, (the one Harvard won by 34-0). That might make Hodges a bit… testy.

-Harvard is resting starting QB Conor Hempel. His replacement, whoever he is, will have the game of his life. So you’ll wanna keep an eye on him.

-The freshman trombone player for the Crimson band is said to be really good at catching those six and seven yard tosses Columbia allows all the time thanks to the enormous cushion our CB’s give outside receivers at the line of scrimmage. He could be dangerous once the stadium janitor’s neighbor’s kid gets in some playing time in the 2nd quarter.


Columbia 3 Keys to the Game

1)     Ditching Pete Mangurian by having the team bus leave without him hasn’t worked yet. I suggest tinkering with his GPS to send him somewhere he is better suited to be on Saturday… like an EU economic planning session.
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2)     Make as many tackles along the sidelines as possible so the players can meet the Crimson assistant coaches and see if they’ll make good new head coaching candidates for CU.


3)     Ask the sitting Harvard starters to do their homework for them, since they’re not going to be too busy or anything. 

9 comments:

Unknown said...

On the positive side, we have 15 Freshmen and 8 Sophomores on the two-deep this week so our JV squad will get lots of Varsity practice against Harvard. Don't worry, it won't be a slaughter - Just another lesson on how to lose. As a precaution, I recommend using a black sharpie to write your blood type on your t-shirt. It makes it easier for the medics.

Unknown said...

The game will also be shown on ESPN3.com via website or WatchESPN app.

Anonymous said...

Hosch is a pretty decent backup QB but he is prone to INTs.

alawicius said...

I predict we cover the spread!

Allie

Chick said...

Jake,
It must be said.. . the grief counselor bit is really, really
funny. Moreso because it's so true.

#1 Lion said...

Serious question... Whatever happened to our Sports Psychologist for "winning". You know, the guy with NO advanced psychology degree and shas is Doctorate in Kennesiology?

WOF said...

Allie, did we cover?

alawicius said...

No, WOF, but we were close!

WOF said...

We are well on our way now, aren't we?