Football Orientation: 2013 Edition

Welcome First Years!

Are You Ready for Some Football???

I know probably NONE of the incoming non-athlete freshmen and freshwomen just arriving on campus today came here because of our sports teams, and that’s okay.

But those of you who are sports fans should at least know that Columbia has a football team that is filled with your hard-working fellow students. And the games are exciting and fun to go to.

Here’s my Columbia Football FAQ for incoming frosh, 2013 edition!

Who are You and Why are you such a crazy Columbia fan? 

I’m a Columbia grad from the class of 1992. That makes me an ancient 42-year-old to you. And that’s okay, I’m not looking to be cool, young, our your personal buddy. The idea is to make you aware of football and how much fun it is to watch your classmates play.

Now, let's define "crazy fan." Do I go to just about all the games? Do I get happy and depressed based on the team's performance, and then write about it online?... I answer "yes" to all of the above. Do I wear a rainbow wig, paint my bare chest light blue, and beat up opposing team mascots... no, (well there was that incident with the Dartmouth kid who dresses up like a keg back in '79, but the charges were dropped).

Actually I never really realized it until after the fact, but I was pretty much destined to be a Columbia football fan even before I set foot on campus as a freshman in 1988. My grandfather was a close friend and pinochle buddy of Columbia and Chicago Bears great Sid Luckman. Wien Stadium is named after a distant relative of my grandmother's, Lawrence A. Wien. And I'm pretty sure, my mom, who isn't much a sports fan, was dragged to the Ivy League championship-clinching win over Penn at Baker Field in November, 1961 by her then-boyfriend when she was a first-year at Barnard College.

You Columbia fans make me sick. Why do you talk so much even though you haven't won a title in 49 years? You should just be quiet and leave us alone.

Yes, die-hard loyal CU fans tend to dominate Ivy Internet chat boards and the like. But we're usually not boasting; we're just talking about our team and the sport we obviously love. Also, thanks to Logic and Rhetoric classes, (you'll find out about these), we're pretty good at writing. 

Fans of super-successful Ivy football teams like Harvard and Penn just aren't battle-tested enough to take things to obsessive levels. We are. 

I follow just about all the pro sports and "big-time" college football and basketball too, but those sports have lost a lot in my eyes over the years. The average pro team has more turnover than a second-term White House administration, and many of the BCS football teams are filled with young men who work hard, but can't really be called "college students." Every Ivy football player is a true student-athlete. It's damn nice as a father to take my kids to a game where they can see players who have their priorities straight. 

I am sick of sports anchors on ESPN and sports radio getting all high and mighty about college athletes and leagues that are corrupt and then they don't spend even a minute focusing on the players and leagues who do it right. It's hypocritical and cynical and I won't have it. 

Anyone who says that the Ivy League "isn't real college football," should be reminded that BCS college football, for the most part, isn't really college. 


Okay we get it, you love the team. But why spend so much time writing about it on the Internet, and what are trying to accomplish here?

Writing is what I do anyway. It's the way I make my living and I actually enjoy it. The Internet gives you a built-in audience, however small sometimes, so if you don't hate your writing, why wouldn't you post it on the 'net? 

And the point of all this is to create a virtual meeting place for CU fans, players, etc. I wanted to prove that there is a large and vibrant Columbia fan base, it just needed a sounding board. As President Reagan once told his speechwriters in 1981: "The choir needs music."

Okay, so what do I get to see here?

On this blog you will get a definitely pro-Columbia slant. We are fans after all.

But this is not mindless cheerleading. There will be fair criticism here without making it personal against the players. Coaches and the administration will be scrutinized at times and praised at others, however.

You'll get weekly predictions, (not including Columbia's games), including the betting lines. 

You'll get in-depth pre and postgame analyses.

When do you sleep?

I'm a dad of two young girls, so I still don't exactly bank on eight hours of sleep each night. But since I don't kill myself with as much meticulous editing as I should for this site, it doesn't take me too long to get these posts online. Seriously don't worry about me, this is not as time-intensive as it looks.

How will the Lions do this season?

I'll have my complete predictions for the Lions and the rest of the Ivies on this blog next week.

But here's a short preview:

Columbia has a great running back in Marcorus Garrett, (he was 1^st Team All Ivy last season, which is like making the all-star team), and a transfer QB from Stanford, (yeah, the team that won the Rose Bowl last season), who was the #4-rated high school QB in all the nation just four years ago. His name is Brett Nottingham.

That should be enough to get excited about.

All my orientation leaders and upperclassmen make snide comments about athletics. What's with that?


If I learned one thing after spending four years with a bunch of kids at Columbia who were obviously smarter and more motivated than I, it was humility. I put on my cap and gown STILL not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and that made me feel pretty pathetic next to my friends who did know and were also ready to work very hard for it. 

I don't idolize athletes, even the student-athletes at Columbia who work much harder than the guys at big football factories.

But I do really admire the fact that a lot of these guys on the football team represent TRUE diversity and the ability to overcome adversity. They are kids coming from parts of the country where most people don't even know about Columbia. Many of them even have... GASP!!!... a different point of view about politics, religion and life in general than most Ivy students, (I kinda thought diversity was supposed to be about more than race, but that fact is lost on a lot of people, and Presidents of the United States). 

Okay, I know I'm ranting, but this is just one token shot against against the avalanche of anti-athletics sentiment you're likely to hear from your peers in the coming days. Do me a favor and find out for yourself.

Okay, but it's not like any of these guys are going to the NFL or anything. 

Wrong. Every Ivy team typically has at least one player in the NFL. Right now Josh Martin, who graduated in May, is still on the KC Chiefs roster. Jeff Adams ’12 is battling for a spot with the Miami Dolphins.
Former All-Pro, Marcellus Wiley '97, is now doing NFL coverage on ESPN. Think he gets that job without an Ivy degree?  


What about the fact that the stadium is so far from campus? I heard about the free shuttle bus, but I might have to take the subway... 


Let me give you a little glimpse of your future. Within a year or two of graduation, you're either going to be working at a job that'll keep you cooped up inside for 10-12 hours or day, going to a job that requires you to sit in traffic for two hours each way, or both. So think a bit before you whine about a 15-minute subway ride or a 25-minute free bus trip. When I was an undergrad, I wanted to join the crew team but I balked because of those 6AM practices. Then I graduated and ended up working a graveyard shift in TV that required me to come into work at 2AM every day for seven years. What a dope I was in college!

But I'm here to help. Stay tuned for my guide to Wien Stadium coming up later this month.

For now, just remember that tickets for students are FREE! And for you adult students over the age of 21... there is FREE BEER for God sakes! Get up there!


I'm too busy texting my friends to go to football games.


Stop texting and start living.